Latina.com Blog

It’s been a fun and fabulous journey from my first post to this one, but as we all know, times are tough and this will be my last blog entry for Latina.com.

Rather than looking at this as a sad thing I want to put a positive spin on it! I feel like we’ve covered a lot of bases from having girl crushes to stinky smells to stalking ex-boyfriends and divorcing crazy ex-roommates. You’ll still be able to read ALL my blog posts here.

I’m in the process of writing a book and still write for other esteemed publications. If you ever want to catch up on my life please read my personal blog or add me as a Facebook friend!
And always remember when something disappointing happens in your life (whether you lose a job, a boyfriend, etc.) you always have to keep perspective and move on with your life. Don’t sit around and do nothing! Move your culo! Things will always get better, I can promise you that.

There are some peeps I have to thank before I finally sign off. YOU! It’s impossible to be a good blogger without your interest and feedback. I honestly feel like you’re all my friends because you’ve always given me honest opinions and sound advice. I have sincerely appreciated it.

Please keep in touch chicas!

Un Abrazo Muy Fuerte,

Lex

This Sunday and rather than going to iglesia I sat in bed with Sam and watched a porno–chicas were getting downright filthy in the movie! Sam loves porn and gets off on it. What guy doesn’t? But the sight of seeing some fake, bottle blond babe moaning and groaning just doesn’t really do it for me.

Porn doesn’t turn me on. It just makes me feel sorry for the women in the film. I wonder about their backgrounds and if they’re happy in their careers. I wonder about how they wound Perhaps I ponder too much about the lives of porn stars rather than enjoying the actual scenes.

I’ve been writing about sex and dating for some years now (I even began my writing career at Playgirl for chrissake) but I’m just NOT into porn. Maybe I’d appreciate it more if we tried to make our own? But I’ve heard horror stories and had too many friends break up with a guy and regret making porn with their ex. Some of my girls even had to take legal action ala Kim Kardashian! I’ve never made a porno, and I think I’d be horrified to see how I look–my rolls hanging out, moans that sound like dying cows. Hmm, well I guess that’s not really a viable option either then.

Do you think porno is like candy and I have to try different types of porn to enjoy it? Or do you believe that enjoying porn is a distinct taste and it’s not for everyone? I feel guilty since I can’t share this so-called pleasure with Sam. How do I break the news? Should I just grin and bear it? Or tell him the truth?

Un Abrazo Fuerte,

Lex

This may sound like a totally loca question but how does religion play any sort of a roll in your sex life?

Most Latinos are raised by God-fearing parents, including myself. My abuela founded a church in New York City! And since I was a baby my parents took me to church at least twice a week. I don’t go as much as I used to, but I make a cameo appearance at least once a month.

I was raised to thinking that tampons were a sin and the devil’s birthday was Halloween. When I younger I also made an oath to keep my virginity until marriage. Um…so that definitely didn’t work out so well!

Even though I’ve broken free of some of the constraints associated with my Catholic guilt, I still can NOT discuss ANYTHING about sex with my parents. Sounds bizarre, right? Especially since I have this column. Well, my parents aren’t web savvy and even if they were, I think they’d voluntarily choose to avoid reading my blogs.

Just yesterday, I went to Victoria’s Secret and when my mom asked me about it, I blushed and changed the subject. When I’m at my parents home I STILL hide my birth control pills! How ludicrous is it that I (at the ripe old age of 28) feel the need to hide my contraceptives?
I try to live a good life but sometimes I wonder if my fascination with sex (and my career writing about it) is sinful. Am I going straight to hell?! Did you grow up in a religious household too? Are you still religious and how does that impact your sex life?! Do tell!

Un abrazo,

Lex

Wow, it’s more than 24 hours since Barack Obama has been elected as our president and I’m still on cloud 9.

On Tuesday, after waiting on a short line to vote for him, I obsessively checked political blogs and listened to the news all day to get the latest election updates. I screamed when the Democrats nabbed Ohio and I teared up when Obama to the stage in Chicago with his beautiful family for his victory speech.

But I’m not gonna lie—less than two months ago I had doubts that Obama would win. I’ve seen so much ignorance and racism in my life that I wasn’t sure if America was ready for a black president. Thank God I was completely wrong!

Barack is like the hottest, smartest guy in high school, he’s just got that special swagger. He’s like a presidential Taye Diggs, handsome, intelligent and smooth-talking. Almost too good to be true!

Bottom line? I have made a serious commitment to Obama…for at least four years! That’s longer than any relationship I ever had with any other man!

All this hope and positivity got me super excited and I wound up having some crazy Election night sex. It was the first time I ever had multiple orgasms! We didn’t do anything special (no sex toys or funky positions), we were both just full of excitement and happiness.

So, how did you feel on election night? Any one else get some extra special Election night nookie? Mark my words chicas, 9 months from now, there’s going to be a mini-baby boom!

Un Abrazo Fuerte,

Lex

On Sunday, I trekked to Washington Heights to visit my church which I’ve been attending on and off since I was born. I was excited to see my family and pray, I know that sounds dorky but it’s true.

After the service was over my dad came over, gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and told me to sign some papers. In case you didn’t know, my family is in financial distress. Even thought this situation came up before shit hit the fan nationally, it does feel weirdly related in a lot of ways. The papers required my signature to sign off on a loan. No biggie, right? But my heart literally stopped when I took a closer look at the contract – the amount was almost 1 MILLION DOLLARS!

I texted my beloved boyfriend with the final amount of the loan. Sam immediately called me, “Do not sign those papers!” he warned. “You really need to find out what you’re getting yourself into. Almost a million dollars in mortgage loans? You probably won’t even be able to buy your own house in a few years. You’re going to owe money forever,” he stressed.

I didn’t feel right signing this loan so I handed the unsigned papers to back over to my dad. “I can’t sign these papers without talking to a lawyer or financial adviser,” I told him.

“You need to sign these papers now or I’ll get in trouble,” he begged.

Hot tears streamed down my face and I screamed, “No! I am sick of being a cash cow for this family! This isn’t my debt. This isn’t my problem so why am I being forced to take out a loan for nearly a million dollars?”

My entire life I tried not to ask my parents for a lot of money. I received a full scholarship to college and I moved out of their house years ago so that I could live an independent life. Sure I ask them to help me out every now and then but I’ve never asked for more than $1,000-$2,000 and only very, very rare occasions.

I know my father needs money and he has to pay off debts but I need to know where I stand with this huge loan. I need to make sure that this will not hinder my chance of owning a home in the future. I need to make sure this doesn’t affect my good credit. I know it sounds selfish but I need to take care of myself too.

“Chances are I will sign these papers. However I need to look into this and speak with a professional before I do anything,” I told my father. He looked back at me with disappointment in his eyes.

At that point I felt uncomfortable staying at church so I slipped out without saying adios and cried the whole way back to my apartment. Luckily, I’m going to talk to a friend’s financial guru husband tomorrow-I trust his insight.

Do you agree with my actions? Was it wrong that I refused to sign those papers? I hate to disappoint my family but they’ve made poor financial decisions in the past and I want to make sure I’m not getting myself in way too deep. Of course I also feel guilty, because after all they are my familia and they’re the only ones I got. What would you do?

Un Abrazo Fuerte,

Lex

I want to write about another kind of love today–love of your trabajo.

I don’t know chicas…I am feeling uninspired with my career. Earlier this year, I was writing up a storm for several publications – working all hours of the day and night. It was a lot of work but I enjoyed it. I also felt my career was finally advancing–something I haven’t felt in a long time.

Lately, there seems to be a lot more downtime for me and I’m not getting assigned more stories or projects. I know I should go out and seek more opportunities but sometimes I just don’t feel like it. I’d rather curl up on my bed with a magazine!

Perhaps it’s because of our effed up economy that things are slow for me. Also, the weather is getting cold and with frio comes more laziness (at least for me).

Recently, a colleague (and dear friend) of mine received a wonderful promotion at work. I’m so happy for her but a little bit envious. I want a better title with more money too!

And what’s my big goal for this year? Something I haven’t achieved yet. I am dying for a book deal. I can’t discuss what my book is about but I’ve been talking about it for too long –over two years! I keep talking the talk, but not walking the walk.

I know that since it’s a slow period I should start working on my book but HOW do I do it? Maybe I should go away for a few days to work on it.

I don’t want to get all Oprah on you but what helps you go for the gold? How do you achieve success? And what do you do if you’re stuck in a slump like me?

Sometimes I still wish I was kid and didn’t have to stress out about love, work and family.

Do you ever feel like a vieja when you go out? Like you’re so much older than the rest of the crowd?

I just had a girl’s weekend with my college amigas. We didn’t head to Miami or Vegas. We represented in Morristown, NJ. Nichelle (one of my girlfriends) lives in Jersey and we paid her a visit.

We did the requisite shopping (I’m on such a budget I only bought a pair of pantyhose), Facebook stalking, and junk food binging (Papas fritas con queso anyone?)

On Saturday night Nichelle took us to a saloon of sorts. We headed down a flight of stairs and were welcomed by a dark, dank room. It resembled a bat cave and my parent’s basement.

Hordes of 21-year old’s were shaking their culos to the “Thong Song” and “Short Dick Man.” I tried to catch up with the kids but I slumped my body against a wood-paneled wall and closed my eyes. I was too tired and lazy to dance!

I used to be the dancing queen. I would create moves on the spot and dance with any guy, anytime, anywhere.

What went wrong? When did I start feeling too old and fat to dance? Perhaps I’m less adventurous now since I have a novio.

I’m losing my mojo and I don’t know how to get it back! Should I go to clubs with older people? Eat healthier to get more energy? I have no clue what to do! Help save me from myself chicas! How can I get my groove back?

Un Abrazo Fuerte,

Lex

I’ve been having anxiety for over a week now. My stomach has turned into knots and I feel queasy.

Tonight is my cousin’s boyfriend’s book party. He recently wrote “The Decline of Men.” It’s about how men are losing power in our society and I helped research a chapter in the book.

The book isn’t freaking me out — it’s the fact that I might see Mr. Vanilla, my ex-boyfriend tonight. I haven’t seen him since the night he broke up with me (which was in June 2007.)

True story: Last year, I went to a Christmas fiesta and thought I was going to see Mr. Vanilla. I freaked out and “hired” a guapisimo amigo to pose as my lover for the party. I’m such a dork right?

I couldn’t help it. I didn’t want to show up alone with the possibility of Mr. Vanilla attending the same party with his new mujer.

But that was then and this is now. I’m still the same weight, I’m still the same silly girl. But I have a boyfriend now so I don’t have to hire any faux lovers. Ha!

Here’s my question to you: What the hell should I do if I see Mr. Vanilla tonight? Should I ignore him unless he greets me?

In all honesty, I want to pour a drink on Mr. Vanilla and kick him in the balls. He totally deserves it and I’m not afraid to make a scene at a party. I don’t want to plaster a fake grin on my face and act pleasant to him.

Do I really have to be the bigger person or can I just be me?

Un Abrazo Fuerte,

Lex

The other night, I went to the Kings of Leon concert with Sam. Unfortunately, I did not catch Drew Barrymore & Ed Westwick making out (sigh, I always miss the good stuff) but I did manage to cause a little excitement of my own.

It started when I went to get some drinks for us at the bar and this dude approached me.

“Do you want a beer?” he asked as he slid a bottle in my direction.

“Um, no thanks,” I replied, sliding the beer back in his direction (which I thought was pretty smooth, I must admit).

“OK, you probably think I was trying to roof you! I just had an extra beer and thought I’d give it to a pretty girl like you,” he explained. “Well, since you won’t take this beer – can I at least buy you a drink?” he continued.

“OK,” I said with a smile. Hey, the economy is tough and I’m counting my pennies! Why pass up a freebie?

Turns out the boy’s name is Todd and he lives in the neighborhood. He was also wearing a Strokes t-shirt which is aces in my book. But after a few minutes of chatter I bid him farewell and returned to Sam triumphantly, with a cranberry and vodka in my hand.

“Here’s your drink.” I might as well share the wealth, right? As Sam gulped the drink down, I started giggling.

“What’s so funny?” he asked.

“Some dude just bought me that drink,” I said, still kind of laughing.

He rolled his eyes and said, “Whatever.” In the end, Sam seemed cool with the free drink but I could tell it kind of pissed him off.

“My boyfriend would flip out if I ever accepted a free drink from another guy. He considers that cheating,” revealed Sonia, a colleague of mine. She also admitted it would seriously piss her off if he ever accepted a drink from another girl too.

“Wayne is cool if I accept drinks from other guys. Just as long as I’m not doing anything to get the drink other than looking cute, you know,” said my recently married friend Penelope.

I have to be honest with you – I’m flattered when guys want to buy me drinks. As much as I adore Sam, sometimes it feels nice to feel wanted by other men – even if you’re not attracted to them. Perhaps it’s because I’m insecure or I crave attention but I like the fact that guys want to buy me drinks.

So what are your thoughts? Should there be a “drink limit” in relationships? Is it wrong to accept a free drink from someone other than your boyfriend – or girlfriend? Would you go to the extreme like my girl Sonia and consider it cheating?

Un Abrazo Fuerte,

Lex

Wow, I finally did it tonight. I stalked Mr. Vanilla, my ex-boyfriend, on Facebook! And rather than feeling sad or upset, I just laughed. Am I totally loca or what?!!

A year ago, I was crying over this dude; wondering what went wrong, what I had done to make him want to leave. I can’t believe how stupid I feel right now about letting myself feel like that. I can’t help but think, “WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?” I look at photos of Mr. Vanilla and I don’t even recognize him anymore.

So, I want to thank Mr. Vanilla for breaking up with me—otherwise, I still might still be with him now. Thinking things were right, when they were so completely wrong. Love is blind, they say.

He’s with another girl now and she’s just like him. They’re perfect for each other.

I also discovered his ex-wife on Facebook which is so weird. Since I’m so freaking nosy I really wanted to know what had gone wrong in their marriage. I’d heard his side of the story but I wanted her side too. As many of you know, he abruptly broke up with me without even giving me a proper explanation. Guess what? He ended up leaving me for his latest girl.

I wonder if his ex-wife knows that he cheated on her with me? He ended their relationship a few weeks after he met me. Does his current lady love know about his piss poor track record?

When I was dating him I felt like I was Batman and he was my Robin, a sidekick by my side. I don’t want to compare apples and oranges but with Sam, I feel like the Superwoman to his Superman. He lifts me up when I’m down, he’s just as strong as I am and I know he’ll be there for me no matter what. It’s weird how you can tell two people who make you feel so different that you love them and mean it both times.

I KNOW you’ve stalked an ex online! How did you feel about it? Did you feel like you were totally over him or her or did you miss your ex? Would you tell a new boyfriend that you looked up an old one? Tell me the truth chicas!

Un Abrazo Fuerte,

Lex