Baby Mama Drama
This past weekend I went to a party in Brooklyn with my girls Coco and Gina. As I was stuffing my face with cupcakes, I asked my friends, “What you would do if you couldn’t get pregnant. Would you adopt children a la Angelina Jolie?”
“Um, I don’t want to give birth at all! Your vagina gets really loose and you have permanent FUPA ” said Gina with a look of disgust. OK, so Gina’s definitely pro-adoption!
“Yeah, there’s a website about how a woman’s body changes after birth and they have graphic photos. It’s nasty,” chimed in Coco.
I thought giving birth was a beautiful thing? Isn’t it supposed to an eye-opening experience for us women that makes us realize the meaning of life? Or is this really all a load of bull they feed us in the hope that we never get wise to the horrible realities of continuing the human race?
“Um…” I continued, trying to ignore the horrific images Coco & Gina had now permanently burned into my mente, “I kinda want to have kids but if I’m not able to conceive I would adopt kids, specifically Latino kids. Would you guys keep it in the family and adopt Haitian kids?” I asked them since they’re both Haitian.
“Nah, I’m open to adopting kids of all races,” said Gina. Coco agreed with her.
“I would only want to adopt Latino kids. Wait, does that make me racist?” I asked aloud. They assured me that no, I was not a racist. But I was left wondering what people would think if a Caucasian family only wanted to adopt kids within their race.
I’m in no rush to have kids. I can barely take care of myself and I’m honestly kind of scared at the whole prospect of nurturing an entire other human being to life. Especially because no one ever talks about the downside of pregnancy. Giving birth is really painful and woman have long-term side affects with their bodies! What about postpartum depression? Do you really get bummed after giving birth? Mujeres with niños, I want to hear from you!
Un Abrazo Fuerte,
Lex
I have a 3 y.o daughter and I can definitely tell you that every one has a different experience. It is easy to look down on people with kids when you are single or to develop a fear towards pregnancy and parenting. Once you are ready to go on that journey it is the most wonderful experience.
When I found out I was pregnant at first I felt disconnected with my body. My body soon began to change and so did my mind about it. I began to accept it and long for it. I would constantly fantasize about my future daughter, especially when I got my fist ultrasound and saw that tiny little person. I will admit as my body changed I began to get cravings for different kinds of food, I got heartburn everyday, needed to pee every 15minutes, I couldn’t sleep I was so uncomfortable and I felt heavier and heavier as the months neared.
Once Yocelyn was born It was amazing it was like I was never pregnant. Although parenting became another journey in itself. But it is so worth it.
Lex, I can honestly tell you, enjoy your youth now! Do all that you dream and want now! When you are stable and have met a wonderful man and you are ready then start to plan your family. Once you have a family it is a challenge to be a parent and a career woman. There is a lot of discrimination towards women with careers and families. There is not enough societal support.
And you are not a racist for wanting to adopt Latino children, you want to have children that can relate to you. Whatever you decide to do make sure it feels right to you. Good Luck!
Un Abraso Fuerte!
Meshell
I don’t have kids yet but it’s definitely in my future plans. And as long as I have a pregnancy with no complications, god-willing, I would like to do a natural at-home birth. I was really turned on to the idea after watching the documentary, The Business of Being Born.
I understand everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but I think it’s so superficial for someone’s primary concern regarding the idea of motherhood to be the “damage” it will do to a woman’s body. I think of motherhood as a blessing and a privilege, provided a woman has all the emotional support and material resources necessary to raise a child. There is too much emphasis out there on women having “perfect” bodies, to the point that it’s disturbing and makes us have unrealistic expectations of what we should look like.
The focus should be on overall health, and not on looking like the airbrushed and photoshopped slim women on magazine covers and TV. If a woman eats right and exercises before and after pregnancy, there’s no reason for her body to become drastically changed. And postpartum is a definite risk for all new moms, but there are effective therapies for it now, and that shouldn’t stop someone from having kids.
Hi Lex,
I have a 2 1/2 year old son. It took my husband and I seven years to have him. He was also born seven weeks early. I can honestly say being pregnant and delivering him via c-section was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I was 35 years old when I had him.
My body did change some what but I’m stronger, healthier, and happier now then I ever have been before. I’m also ready to do all over again.
Where there’s a will there’s a way………. It is a miracle from God that we have normal healthy son.
Even if your body changes during pregnancy,the reward of your baby are priceless and worth every pain you may go through!
Think positive and be informed of all that can happen during and after pregnacy.
Good Luck !!!
Lex I totally I understand where you are coming from. So here’s my story, I am married and my husband is about 5 years older then me. For the past 3 years he has been on my cola about having a baby. I tell him its not my fault he married someone younger then him and how I want to focus on my career. I mean am I wrong with wanting to focus on our marriage, finances, education, etc? Does that make me a selfish person? And we all know how latino families are, you get married and they expect you to have a child. Well I been married for 6 years now and no babies. For god sake my sister who is 20 already beat me to it and had her first child this year. So I hear it every time I am with my family making tamales and having our gatherings about us not having a child yet. I really am a little scared about having a baby, I feel that I am not fully prepared for it. But everyone of my baby mama friends say that having a child shouldn’t have any major planning and it should just come natural to want to have one. Well to my surprise I want to plan it!
Hey, it ain’t that bad when you look back on it, pregnancy that is. I do have two children and with both I felt huge until people start saying how cute you look w/ a basketball for a belly. Or I didn’t even know you were pregnant until you turned around. I am not w/ my kids father but he did a tremendous job of making me feel sexy and cute the second time around. We were on and off again during my first pregnancy and other gentle men filled in (friends who knew I needed some support). The good things your boobs get huge (for most) I always had a small handfull and during the preg. I loved a full c almost d cup. You can do “it” as much as you want to without any worries. You have an excuse to eat as much and as often as you like. And if you don’t want to do something “I just don’t feel that great today” is a life saver. I had my daughter at nineteen and my son at twenty-one about a year and a half apart. I was one who always said not until I finish school or am in a commited relatioship, things happen. I don’t regret anything at all. You do have all these worries until the situation happens but if you are determined to do your best you work it out. NO IT IS NOT EASY but what in life is? I love my two they are so crazy and fun and loving, I never have a dull moment when I am with them. As far as your body is after yeah stuff changes but you can have the same shape back, no it is not as easy but if your are determined than you can achive it. Hey as long as your are healthy to be around to watch them grow up then it is all good. If you are worried about your lower girlie area have the dr. add a couple of stitches.LOL But I can say this after you have your first moments alone with them you realize just how special you and they are.
I understand what you are feeling because i also did not want to give up my body for the little creature that was growing inside of me but it was wonderful. I love my only son and now I am so blessed to have him because I am alone without a man and my son is so sweet to me. I had my son when i was 24 yrs old and now I am 35 yrs old and baby, my body is like almost so perfect. My weight is 103lb and I am 4′11. I lost all the weight and so much more. I am thinner than when i was in high school. I was glad that I did not deliver normally but through c-section because it is a cleaner birth and your body goes back to nornal so fast. I was jogging seven days after giving birth. I did not have to go through no tearing or stiches down there so i had no problem returning to my normal exercises and went back to school. I am an educated mex-american with a college degree, a good paying job and about to buy a home. I achieved everything while being a single parent. The baby’s father split and i went through all the nine months of cravings on my own and it only made me stronger. Nothing has ever held me back, my body is tigheter than when I had my son and I did gain weight, went up to 220lbs but now my body looks great, i feel great and I never would change anything, i love being a mom and i love it when i go to a parent conference and the teacher does not belive that i am the mother of a 10yr old who’s height is 5′3. I love being a mom, it is the best feeling in the world.
You know I think if I were to adopt I would adopt a Latin baby too. Just because if I adopted from another race I feel like I would be robbing that baby from their culture. It’s nice to know where you come from and relate even though there’s no blood relation there you know? I am a Mami to a toddler and there are downsides of pregnancy that people don’t talk about. Boobies shrink and stomachs get bigger. But I think the younger you are and the better you behave with food while you’re pregnant the quicker your body will bounce back. And you can always get a tummy tuck! lol! By the time your baby is a toddler you’ll be as skinny as you’ve ever been running after the baby and barely having time to eat. I haven’t been a size 7 in YEARS!! Kids are a lot of hard work but lots of fun! I wouldn’t trade it for the world I think making the “sacrifice” of those nine months are definitely worth it.