You Remind Me
I’m boy crazy. One day, I’ll have a crush on a Yale-educated architect. The next day, I’ll be feeling an adorable Jewish lawyer.
My situation with Sam is different. I don’t have a fleeting crush on him or view him as just another hookup. I’m catching strong feelings for the boy and it’s kind of starting to freak me out.
My ex-boyfriend, Mr. Vanilla, and I fell madly in love super fast. Within a month of meeting, we were in a committed relationship and had dropped the L-bomb. As the months progressed we met each other’s parents and even discussed marriage and children. He became my other half.
Then after almost a year, Mr. Vanilla abruptly broke up with me. He disappeared from my life without even bothering to return my belongings from his apartment. A few weeks after our break-up I discovered that he was dating a girl with a lazy eye. But that’s neither here nor there, because regardless of his downgrade, I definitely had un corazon roto.
One year later, I rested my head on Sam’s chest as he whispered, “This feels really good. You’re a perfect fit for me.” I just nodded. Though I felt the same way, I got the chills. Mr. Vanilla once said the very same words.
“You’re the best,” said Sam as he kissed me on the forehead.
“No, you are!” I responded with a coy smile, again remembering how I used to share this playful banter with Mr. Vanilla.
Sam is also very accommodating like Mr. Vanilla. He pays for everything, is totally willing to help me around my tiny apartment and always wants to hang with me.
Things with Sam are obviously amazing. I can’t compare him to Mr. Vanilla in every way – Sam is assertive, opinionated, hilarious and loads of fun. He has traits that are different than any other man I have dated.
So why is it so weird to me when he says the same things as Mr. Vanilla? Am I freaking out for no reason? Is there any way to move on to a new relationship without comparing it your last? Chicas, I need your consejos!
Un Abrazo Fuerte,
Lex
Chica I totally understand where you are coming from. Cause I am in the same boat with a guy that I have been seeing. He first dropped the L-bomb on me after a month of knowing each other. Shortly after I felt the same for him but my feelings got stronger and it has seem as though his have weakened.
He reminds me of my ex that would say all the same romantic, caring things to me in the beginning but that quickly faded once I learned that he was cheating. So, naturally I think my new guy will do the same. I always second guess him when we are not together cause I am constantly comparing him to my ex.
I don’t think it is fair to compare them. If Sam really does care for you as he says then tell him how you feel. Let him know that Mr. Vanilla acted and said similar things in the beginning and tell him how it ended. Let him prove to you with his actions that he is not like Mr. Vanilla. definetly give yourself some space so that you don’t fall for him too soon before you know what his true feelings are!! Trust me Chica, I am going to have to do the same. Easier said then done especially when all you are looking for is some compassion!!!
Well I am not as experienced in these types of situations since I have been with my man for 13 yrs now. But trust me we have had our ups and downs. So as far as advice all I can say is try not to compare him to much to your ex. How would you feel if he started comparing you to his? I know it’s hard but be fair to him and to yourself. Give yourself the time and space you need to truly figure out who he is and who you are when you are with him. I have seen friends scare boyfriends away by comparing them to the ex’s and not being able to truly open up and trust them. But in other cases I have also seen the opposite where friends open up to much and ignore the same signs that were visible in other past bad relationships. So in reality you have to follow your heart and take a chance. Yeah there’s a possibility you might get hurt but there’s also a possobility that you can find love. Give it a chance!
I don’t think it’s weird that you find yourself remembering your ex when you’re with your new guy. It happens to me all the time! I am head over heels for my new boyfriend. We’ve been together for a little over a year and he is the perfect gentleman. He treats me like a lady all the time and makes me feel appreciated always. Yet, sometimes I think about my ex and wonder how he’s doing, what he’s up to, or I remember moments he had together. We had a long, rocky relationship, and my new one is much more stable, yet I can’t help thinking of the ex from time to time. I think it’s natural when you had a strong connection with someone, even if it’s over. I don’t think it means anything, so you don’t have to worry.
I just broke up with my latest boyfriend of 8 months. I had been single for about 2 and a half years and before that I was in a long 3 year relationship with a man who didn’t treat me right but something kept me holding on…l maybe because he always came around. Anyway, He wasn’t good for me and learned so much AFTER we broke up. So I told myself that I was never going to end up with someone like him again. after 2 and some years I started seeing the current ex and he did ad said things that reminded me soo much of my last ex boyfriend. I tried not to pay attention to it but I couldn’t help but compare. I think that lead me to second guess everything he said or did because he reminded me so much of my ex. I realize now that that hurt our relationship so much. He didn’t understand why I couldn’t just accept his love. The “3 year ex” ended up cheating on me… which really messed up my trust in men, so I gave myself time to try to overcome that. I thought I had but then when it got serious with this new guy it all came back up and let all the past emotions take over. He broke up with me because he said I wasn’t secure about our relationship and I would question him about every female he even said hello too. Which I don’t think I was that bad. Then I thought I was just watching out for a slip from him but now I realized that it was all my insecurities.
So take it from someone that messed up a really good relationship… yes you’ll compare but keep it to yourself and don’t show him that it reminds you of your ex. Don’t freak out about this… just take it one day at a time and enjoy every moment you spend with Sam, if it’s meant to be everything will fall into place and if it doesn’t work out just know that you did everything you could to make it work. I can’t say I did because I know I messed up.
Hope this helped.
It sucks to leave a relationship that has scarred you to go into one that feel so right. When I lived in NY I dated a guy who threatened me, went through my belongings, got mad whenever I wanted to go out. When I left NY in Dec I met a great guy here in FLA and I have trust issues but I have talked to my current bf about my past and he is very understanding and muy paciente.
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