…which is why I can’t partake in any teeth-whitening activities. See, when I was six, I went to my friend’s house for a sleepover, and we thought it would be awesome to spin around as fast as we could while playing our favorite Whitney Houston tape. As “How Will I Know” blasted out of her boom box, I spun faster and faster, abruptly stopping myself and giggling  as the walls rotated around me. (Anyone else nauseous right now?) By the third or fourth spin, we’d migrated into her hallway. In the middle of the fifth spin-cycle, it happened: I slammed face-first into the wall. Holy sh*t, did it hurt. I cried. Her mom called my mom. I ended up with a Zip-Lock baggie over my chipped front tooth, which stayed chipped until I had it bonded in my teen years.

Several lessons to take away from this story: Whitney Houston rocks; don’t spin in enclosed areas; and try Rembrandt Whitening toothpaste ($6.99, drugstore.com). Most teeth-whiteners whiten my real teeth and neglect to whiten my fake one. Howevah, this one brightens them all without making the faux-tooth stand out too much. It’s not the best germ-fighter, so brush with your regular stuff first and then follow with Rembrandt. That is, if you, like moi, have a fakey.

-Angelique

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