The Loser Boyfriend
We’ve all been there before—dating duds. My last boyfriend was an nice guy but terribly vanilla. None of my friends even remember his name. He pretty much just blended in with the walls.
After we broke up, my friends totally fessed up to their true feelings.
“He seemed too quiet for your taste,” admitted my sister Roxanna.
“Yo, he hooked up with you when he was involved with another woman. Did you think he was an honorable guy?” hissed my friend Seth. OK, true that! But what can I say? Love is blind.
Well, I just met my friend Estrella’s boyfriend and I thought he was a total perdedor. Tom is sarcastic to a fault and an absolute diva. I don’t get what she sees in him. Perhaps he’s super awesome in bed?
The night I met Tom, we got into a heated political debate. “Barack supporters are crazy! You’re all a little off,” he claimed. I tried to explain to Tom why he sounded hypocritical by using a simple analogy, “Dude, that’s like the pot calling the kettle black.”
“Black? Are you saying that I’m racist? I like black people! I like brown girls like you too,” he slurred in his drunken state.
I looked at him with bewilderment. What a puerco! But rather than confront Tom, I just kept my distance.
Tom obviously sucks big time but I’m not sure if I should say something to my girl Estrella. They’ve been dating for several months already. Should I voice my opinion now or later on down the road, when things get even more serious? She’s planning on moving in with him soon, which makes me sad. I don’t think she’ll be happy but love means different things for different people, right?
What do you think mujeres? Should I say something or just keep my opinions to myself?
Un Abrazo Fuerte,
Lex
P.S. Stay tuned, my next post will be about the new boy Sam! He is AMAZING!
If your friend asks you for your opinion of her boyfriend, then thats the perfect time for you to tell her how you feel. If she doesn’t ask, then don’t just volunteer an opinion. Naturally, you wouldn’t want your friend moving in with a jerk, and going down the wrong path from there, but you also don’t want to hurt her feelings in the process. One of the good things that friends should be counted on is absolute and total honesty. When in doubt over whether or not you should say something, don’t say anything at all, unless you’re asked.
That’s true but look what happened between Heidi and LC on “The Hills.” God, I don’t know if I have the heart to tell her how much her man sucks!
I have had a bad experience with telling a friend how much I disliked her new boyfriend. I always had a bad feeling about him and i always felt like when my friend wasn’t around that he was hitting on me. Well I told her and her response to me was that I must have been flirting with him and that I was jealous and didn’t want her to be happy. So she became distant from me ended up marrying the guy and he cheated on her the whole time. I saw him several times with other women and he saw me and would come over to say hi like the asshole that he was. He knew she would never believe me and I knew that too. So I kept my mouth shut. All of our friends knew but we all kept quiet. Eventually he got some chic pregnant and she realized what an ass he really was and divorced him, lost weight and married another man whom has loved her since they were in grade school. She herself even admitted to us that she would not have believed us if we would’ve told her about him. Like you said Lex “love is blind” and that sucks because you don’t want to see your friends get hurt but unfortunately sometimes friendship isnt stronger than love.
I think a major issue is that women don’t trust each other enough or stick together. Of course that’s because some women give you a reason to be that way, but if a good friend voices an opinion about a guy we should really learn to listen. While we don’t have to do anything drastic, the least we can do is keep an eye out for the disrespectful behavior. One of my friend’s bf’s hit on me and I never told her, but told her when I saw him hitting on other girls. We’re not as cool anymore but in the end I think it’s more important to stay true to yourself and look out for fellow mujeres. Ultimately she’ll find out he’s a jerk, (hopefully not at the point when he gets some other girl preggers!) and if our friendship wasn’t strong enough to withstand something like that then it wasn’t a very strong friendship in the first place. Girl power!
oh yeah that last one was me, forgot to put my name!
If he happens to come up in a convo between the two of you I would tell her how I feel about the guy. I often give my friends advice even if they don’t agree with what I am saying. I can give advice but that doesn’t mean they have to take it if they don’t want too. Cause in the end a person will do what they want no matter what someone says. Whatever my friends choose to do is up to them and I’ll support my best friend, and the “good” friends that is, in whatever they do. If she truly sees you as a good friend she’ll know that what you are telling her is because you care and you don’t want to see her hurt. But no matter what all ways be there for your friend because she is going to need you no matter what she decides.
It depends, is it just you find him annoying personally or do others feel the same way? Is it something that he is doing affecting your friend mentally or physically?
If it is just you find him annoying and he is not beating your friend or hurting her emotionally or mentally then let it be. once his behaviour escalates to where he is endangering your friend then that is when you should speak up.
If your friend is in LA LA Love Land than your opinion will come off as a jelouse rant from a sing friend. If and when you decide to speak to her about this. Make sure you let her know: You love her, Will support her in a decision you make, and you don’t mean to sound rude or judgemental but you are simply speaking as a concerned friend. Also if she does come back defensive and offended. Don’t respond back in the same manner understand she may have not been aware and is offended.
I hope this helped.
On another related note. After reading these Mujeres experiences I realize we as Womyn/ Mujeres/ Companeras don’t trust each other and are quick to dismiss friendships over men. This is just plain wrong!!!!
I had a similar experience that broke my heart.
a friend that I have known since Jr. High started dating one of my roommates. I knew he was a player type and I warned her but she still went for him. sure enough I would hear girls in his room. and He wouldn’t give her, her place as a GF in public. Often left her at bars when they got drunk or let her walk home alone after a club. I told him many times and finally I went to speak to her about how she shouldn’t let her self be treated like that and how she is an educated, beautiful Mujer and can do better than a guy who acts like she is a booty call.
She in turned accused me of being in love with him and I was trying to break them up, then told him and my other roommates and mutual friends I was trying to break them up and I shouldn’t be living in the house. Luckily for me they all seen them as a couple and their explosive dynamic. So they dismissed it. so 15yrs of friendship was down the drain. a few months later after we all had that talk with her, and him. they fixed their relationship and he treats her very well now. she has never apologized to me but we speak and hang out in groups. Our friendship was never the same. and I have never told her anything else.
Sad isn’t it. In a world where Machismo is King you would think that us as Mujeres would stand in solidarity, and yes we all say it. But when it comes down to it. We would push everyone aside for an hombre.
[…] ex-boyfriend, Mr. Vanilla, and I fell madly in love super fast. Within a month of meeting, we were in a committed relationship […]
If she asks yes be completely honest but make sure you tell her you will support whatever decision she makes becuase she will always be your girl. If she doesn’t ask you then make sure you tell her to just really be sure that she is definite in taking any big steps like moving in because 1) Her happiness is what counts here and 2) you don’t want to be packing her stuff up again a few months down the line
j/k Oh and I just thought of one more tell her she shouldn’t sign a lease until she knows it is definite thing.
you never know he might just be descent w/ her an d have to “look” smart in front of others
Ay! I have been in your position. I went off on my friend after catching her man in the club with another girl and she stayed with him. I told her she was stupid. Well I realized that was a little insensitive of me. I think expressing your feels calmly is cool but the decision is up to her. I would just tell my bf not to talk to me about him when he hurts her again…needless to say she got him 4 more times with the same girl and 2 years later they are just friends now. When it came to a guy cheating on my sis…I took a knife to his face…long story. My point is I try to keep my distance but sometimes its hard.