This is a personal first for me, but since I generally like to shout snarky comments at my TV while watching award shows, it shouldn’t be much of a stretch. Here we go…

Giant tongues are the new moonmen.
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10:00pm — No red carpet foolishness or unfunny monologues here…MTV Tr3s cuts right to the chase with The Cure, who really are there! For some reason I didn’t believe this was actually going to happen. They’re performing “Friday I’m in Love,” and it’s pretty darn cool.

10:01pm — Wow…lead singer Robert Smith used to look glam, but now he’s sort of bloated and creepy. Also, rockers should probably stop wearing eyeliner once they reach the age of 50. I’m psyched to see them onstage, though…this 80s baby is pleased.

10:02pm — The Cure have only been onstage for one minute, and already that’s twice as long as any band who performed at the VMAs.

10:03pm — Aaaaaaahhhhhh, Juanes! So dreamy. The Colombian flags are flying.

10:10pm — Host Diego Luna eschews a comedic intro for more serious fare, noting that the entire set is made of recycled materials and that it’s important for us to take care of our environment. Don’t you love how our hottest stars are also socially conscious? Makes it so much easier to separate paper from plastic.

10:12pm — Via satellite from Buenos Aires, vet rockers Soda Stereo present the Best Group award to Maná. Shocker!

10:15pm — Maná’s frontman, Fher Olvera, is wearing ENTIRELY too much blush.

10:16pm — No seriously, it’s really excessive.

10:20pm — This is the first commercial break, so I’ll take this opportunity to say that I haven’t seen any Latinas onstage yet. Come on, ladies! I’m waiting.

10:20pm — Los Airbag (yes, you read that correctly) and Marta Higareda take the stage…um, anyone know who they are?

10:23pm — Avril Lavigne’s Canadian twang is in full effect. She’s performing “When You’re Gone,” and I’m still confused as to how this even happened. It kind of reminds me of Evanescence’s performance last year, but that made a little more sense. Latinos love Evanescence!

10:27pm — So I totally assumed that Avril was done performing, but she just returned with backup dancers and jumped into a cover of “Hey Mickey”…woops, I mean her hit song “Girlfriend.” I really do feel like a vieja hating on this, but the cheery angst and pseudo-political T-shirt (the word WAR with a graphic of a glittery black middle finger above it) me estan matando.

10:31pm — How do the girls of RBD keep their hair so silky smooth and flowingly long? …kidding.

10:33pm — Julieta Venegas cops la lengua for Best Pop Artist, and RBD seem even happier about it than Julieta. Is this a simple case of Mexican pride, or do you think they secretly want to do Latin alternative music? Rebeldesónicos, perhaps?

10:38pm — Valeria Gastaldi “lost her shirt” before jumping on stage in her bra…clever. Julieta, where are you when we need you?

10:40pm — Jesse & Joy rock! Yes, they’re poppy, but also wholly sincere and adorable. Sort of like a Rilo Kiley duo for the rock en español fans. The whole audience is singing along…who knew they were so popular?

10:42pm — Kudai, on the other hand, suck. They look and sound like RBD gone goth…not cool.

10:49pm — Paulina Rubio is lounging and sounds completely incoherent. I’ll have whatever she’s having.

10:51pm — Babasónicos win Best Rock Artist - well deserved, but they could have made a real acceptance speech. I hate it when artists say a quick, indifferent “thanks” and just stroll offstage. I want some stage drama, a la Kanye West.

10:52pm — I hate to sound prudish, but people are doing shots of tequila onstage right now, so I’ve got to mention this. At the VMAs, you could see each artist get increasingly tipsy from the beginning of the show to the end. The Gym Class Heroes were too busy chugging bottles to even acknowledge the cameras when they won the award for Best New Artist. When did this become ok?!?

10:55pm — 30 Seconds to Mars are pretty bad. I was happy to see a lot more rock on this show until it digressed into crappy rock. Bring out some hip-hop, por favor!

10:58pm — Kat DeLuna won the Viewer’s Choice Award for Best New Artist! Yay.

11:05pm — Belinda’s “rocking out” to her hit “Bella Traicion,” sporting new dark locks and a bronze sequin shift dress with platforms. At 17, this chica has more style in her pinky than I’ll probably ever have…sigh.

11:12pm — Juanes has taken over again! He’s presenting a special award to Ivette Mercado from Bolivia’s Project Martadero de Cochabamba. It’s great to see them devoting this much screen time to a cool Latina who represents her country proudly, obviously eats meals and doesn’t have a fake tan.

11:14pm — The award for Best Urban Artist goes to Wisin y Yandel - meanwhile, we’re just happy to see that Joell Ortiz was nominated.

11:20pm — Did the awards just get hijacked by a long-form Maná music video? What on earth is going on?

11:23pm — Ok, now they’re playing Justin Timberlake’s video for “LoveStoned.” Something is definitely awry…I hope we’re not missing any major action!

11:27pm — So we’re back, and Diego just explained that a tormenta caused the power to go out. Yikes…for a while there, I’d forgotten that I was watching an MTV-produced awards show. Good thing the random power outage reminded me!

11:28pm — Hilary Duff is onstage, fully lip-synching and wearing a fairly cute 80s outfit that shows off her newly toned bod. I love this song, so I’m going to give her a pass.

11:32pm — Ooh, Wilmer Valderrama breaking out the fluent Spanish! I like.

1 1:33pm — Avril Lavigne just won Song of the Year. This is unjust beyond words. She can’t even say gracias properly during her acceptance speech!

11:35pm — Belanova introduce a performance by Babasónicos. Denisse and the Belanova boys may be loved dearly in their homeland, but I learned last week that they’ve only sold 7,000 or so copies of their new album, Fantasia Pop, here in the states. Pretty disappointing. Meanwhile, Babasónicos are damn good. Their brand of ethereal pop-rock is impossible to dislike.

11:39pm — Aventura win the award for Best Pop Artist, and a very hoarse Romeo delivers a taped thank you speech. I kind of like the strategy MTV Tr3s takes by announcing award winners during the commercial breaks. Anything that makes room for more live performances is a good thing in my book.

11:45pm — Time for Video of the Year! Belinda (hometown girl) vs. Calle 13 (token “urban” nominee) vs. Gustavo Cerati (so not winning) vs. Maná (definitely winning) vs. Panda (pop-punk darlings).

11:46pm — In a not-so-genius move, 30 Seconds to Mars invite fans from the pit onstage to announce the winner for Video of the Year. Avril looks incredibly uncomfortable surrounded by the common folk.

11:47pm — We were wrong (it happens). Belinda wins! And she’s got no problem celebrating with her people onstage. Way to make Avril look lame, B.

11:48pm — I hear booing in the background while Belinda delivers her thank you’s, but it’s totally unclear why.

11:53pm — Things wind down with a video tribute to The Cure that kicks back to the legendary band for another live performance. A bit redundant, but awesome.

12:03am — It’s not over yet! Diego makes ladies in the crowd drink some mezcal, then tosses it to Hilary Duff and Julieta Venegas, who toss it to Molotov for a kick-ass performance of their whistle-happy song, “YoFo.” Diego jumps onstage to whistle the chorus with the band, and they’re all wearing hoodies. This is definitely the highlight of my night.

12:12am — Maná win Artist of the Year, and I detect faint boos emanating from the crowd. Am I imagining this? If not, it’s pretty surprising.

12: 17am — Kudai close out the show, and it’s bad/completely off-key. They should have finished the show with Molotov! That would have been a sweet ending. Speaking of which, it’s waaaay past our bedtime, and Diego is waving adios. Thank you and goodnight!

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